Let me try my hand at poetry once more

Get It?

eyes that look at him, would not stop staring at him,
yet only whisper nothings, share their private somethings
in their heads they picture,

but they are just pictures, in their heads
and he is just a playing card

in a deck of 52, or perhaps, millions more
yet different from any one of them,
yet so similar, to the core.

the eyes see him with the next card,
sandwiched close, permanent fixtures
again, their heads, they only see pictures,
assume the things they think they do

have they realized that there’s another card behind him too?

 

How a bee turned me into a homosexual.

This morning I was walking and I saw a bee. Bees are really cool. I remember when I was a kid and I first saw a bee. I remember asking my maid (her name was Lisa) what that was (I was a kid so it is kind of normal that I wouldn’t know what a bee is: complex analogy: would you know what is menopause at your age? No.). I think she must have told me that it was a bee or I wouldn’t know right now how to recognize one. Anyway the question doesn’t matter. After I saw the bee I decided that the stinger on its back is kind of pointy but not worth touching. I didn’t touch it of course. I was about six then. circa. I went back inside to watch TV.

I actually have had some accidents involving TVs before. The first was when I was searching for something below it and I bumped it on my way up. Hitting a TV kind of hurts, you shouldn’t try it. The second was when I decided to fling my TV downstairs and it hit someone. I didn’t really mean to fling it downstairs, I was hungry. But the TV was heavy. The last time involved this neighbour of mine (her name is Jane but let’s call her Anne in this particular scenario) whose name is Jane Anne. I think we were watching TV together. As I told you I was a kid around that age (I was probably 2 or so) but I had this urge to marry her then. Then the TV fell and broke a vase and I got scolded for it. My dad put me on the next Lufthansa flight to Europe and left me there for 14 years when i came back to write this post. That also explains my sexy German accent.

Back to the bee. I saw it this morning and I was like, whoa.

 

90%

I’m kinda 90% happy these days. Things seem fine.. to all my friends, and to me as well. I’m happy with how things are, and even though I know there is something that lies far off in the distance, most of the time I am genuinely happy. No screens, no facades, I just feel great. Year 5 in hostel is much better than I expected, and despite a few downs, I’m enjoying myself to the fullest at the moment. Tennis every few days, hanging out with friends, and hostel- freaking cool.

This is kind of a happy post.

But there is the 10%. I’m not going to drone on what’s been bugging me these few weeks, because today it’s about something new. I just feel… to describe it in my own words: controlled confusion. Kinda interesting to term it this way. Look at the second word there and it more or less describes what I’m feeling: confusion. At the same time, it doesn’t feel chaotic and messy- it just sits in the back of my mind until I decide to pass my train of thoughts through it again, and boom, gray area. I admit, I’ve been confused quite a bit lately, but this is… kind of a new thing.

That is the 10%. And no, I won’t even tell you about it, sorry.

I think people probably read my posts and think, ‘God, what a emo bitch.’ Follow my post trends and you’ll think ‘Freaking PMS bitch.’ Some may even coin it poetic (thank you), or maybe it’s just vague garbage. I’m sorry, but I don’t write for anyone. I use my blog as a channel to vent… any emotions flow out. Writing makes me feel.. good, therapeutic, wholesome. I know that most people would read my shit and not get anything. It’s fine. I like to keep myself vague. After all, how much am I really willing to tell you unknown readers?

Please don’t think I’m emo. I think if you know me in person you’ll know that I can be fairly retarded most of the time, but at least I have a cheerful disposition. Nights where I post “emo” shit- I’m just having a bad day generally. It’s true, I am emotionally troubled. But I don’t really show it. It’s the 10%, like I said. Don’t get the wrong impression.

What’s been troubling me today… I don’t think it’ll ever be known.
What’s been troubling me before today- I’m almost over it.

Time to go.

P.S. Above all else. Thank you for being there.

 

Heads up, emo flood

Hate to dwell on the negatives, but the negatives sap all the joy out of the positive.

2010 has been. Better than I expected. Hostel is great, but that’s it. Class is shit and we know it. Mainly I’m troubled because of well. Emotions and stuff. I’m really confused these few weeks, and school isn’t helping much at all. I can’t tell what to do- I’m just lost in a vicious cycle. Sometimes I look up and I wonder why I always get myself stuck in these kind of situations. Why my judgment is always blurred, and how I can never anticipate the proverbial future and how much it can really hurt.

Truth is, I have no direction. Well, in this aspect of life, at least. Sometimes my mind wanders to other things… Sometimes I can get over it. But I always run back to the question of.. “What if? And why?” Post-reflection, my heart tumbles down once again. It’s hard to get up once. But it’s way harder right now…

…especially since I’ve been falling for years.

I look to friends for motivation and encouragement, and I play my cards right in school. I keep my facades up but somehow I think she’s hiding as well. But I cannot read her nor myself. One day I could be up and the next I could be contemplating the very worst. This is heading nowhere.

There is much to be thankful for, though. I cannot help but feel deeply happy that I have you around the corner for your continual support… It’s only been a month but yet I feel closer to you than ever before. This friendship is holding my fragility in other relationships stable and I appreciate it very much so. Thank you best friend (:

 

To Whom it may Concern

Fireflies has been stuck in my head the past week.

I hate you, pop music. Oh ever so much.

You would not believe your eyes

 

New Year Resolutions

1. Buy coloured socks for every colour/design imaginable.

2. Get another pair of spectacles of another colour/design.

3. Find someone/force someone to like the same music I do.

4. Get awesome CAP and not slack in 501.

5. Remember birthday gifts for people who matter

6. GYM

7. Stay positive and get over my downfalls ):

8. Enjoy hostel!

9. Get a job.

10. Pick up the guitar

 

Stuff.

So what’s been happening these weeks?

Stuff.

Made a new friend I think it’s really comforting to be able to confide in someone and feel assured. And at the same time, I can seek assurance if need be. Haven’t felt this way in awhile. I guess it’s a good way to help recover after life’s endless pitfalls. One can never forget the power of a secure friendship

Stuff.

P.S. It still feels weird thinking about it so I’m not mentioning you

 

Dedications

Yoyo 403! Or whichever 403 people read this post!

Since the year’s coming to a close, and we’re being reshuffled, I figured I’d do some dedications to everyone Thanks Rachel for reminding me! Okay, time to start.

Terry

YOU ARE SO GAY K LOLOL BIG JOKE

Wen Xiang

Yo Wen Xiang! Damn, I’m sorry, the first thing that comes to my mind when I think about you is… yeah you expected it, 2009 SEA GAMES! No, just kidding, I mean you flirting. Haha you should stop flirting and be faithful! Anyway, I think it’s cool you’re so easy going and that  you are flexible with stuff! And how you always play along with our random shit O: Anyway we’re going to be in the same class for six years straight! Wow, that’s a really long time.. I’ve been with you so much I can actually look at you and not hate you now! Just kidding again! Haha anyway keep up your awesome personality! You can be quite fun most of the time! Why do all my sentences end with exclamation marks!

Ka-Shing

Haha yo Ka-Shing! I think it’s damn awesome that you’ve been with me since primary school, so we know each other quite well. Plus we always seem to end up in the same activities, like soccer, and ponning! I tell you all the 403 people are going to miss your randomness… It’s always hilarious when you do all those random shit and jokes in class. You should do that in 507 and keep TPL/Ray entertained! And also irritate your mentor, that’s a good thing. Remember XiaoQiang? Unforgettable. Classic. Always be random and funny okay! And oh yeah, thanks for the rides home when I need it You’ll never walk alone!

Yanling

Miss Guo you should really realize that when people congratulate you for doing well they’re secretly wanting to be you. Besides your obscene grades, I really don’t understand how on earth you can keep smiling. It’s rare that 403 ever sees you not happy! I guess that’s good, to cheer up the class right? I don’t think I can keep a smile on as long as you -.- serious talent there. Anyway, thanks for being so randomly hyper and for occupying Stuart’s/Wen Xiang’s attention! Whenever Stuart says something about you and him and you end up inadvertently admitting it and not realising it it’s quite funny  Okay fine, besides the irrelevant stuff, thanks for being cool to talk to as well. Remember that swine like to scratch themselves! Okay that was random. Have fun with the 15/17 other girls next year!

Jerdine

Ray says you like tuna. To be honest, besides that and handphone games and the occasional book, I have no clue where your interests lie. You’re way too quiet in class! You should be more bubbly and show us the personality I’ve never seen! It’s like some rare scientific event, to see you talking lots and lots… Like comet sightings. Oh well, I figured you’re not as comfortable around us than with your own friends but that’s fine! I think you must be quite interesting right! Prove me right someday! See you around next year!

Ernest

Raragon! I can tell you honestly, before year three I thought you were a prick. Sorry! In year three I also wasn’t very close to you, but I think in year 4 I became more comfortable talking to you! You’re actually cool and not prickly at all! Nor cactus like. Glad to see that you’re a gamer to keep the balance in 403 haha, there’s a lot of studious people and it’s cool! More so that you’re good at your studies too! Bio smarts darn you! Do us a favour and show us Janice’s picture, I think we all wanna see it Thanks for being such a random funny guy and for making our Whoseline complete! P-P-P-PARTY QUIRKS. Have fun next year and remember, Chinese is important!

Ming Yan

Emo! Okay you’re not really emo, you just have these lapses where you just sleep/don’t talk to anyone. I guess that’s fine, I like doing that too! Before year 3 I knew you as the emo girl! Now I know you as the occasionally emo, attached to QuZhi girl! Just kidding on that, but your scandals are really very interesting. Haha I can’t say I know you very well, but I guess you’re pretty fun to be with! Thanks for being sporty and occasionally playing Whoseline with us Oh and I know a lot of emo music okay I should introduce to you soon! Hong Kong is cool but Terry is from there! Keep him at bay!

Ji Eun

Yo Ji Eun! You’re bloody artistic and you know it! I remember year 3 you guys came back with your art drawings and I’d see yours and go Whooa. Whoooooooa. You’re quite cool actually, and I think mixing with the 403 gals made you really open and random too! Thanks for teaching me Korean which I can’t mostly remember! I think I’m really really chio! Oh right, you’re going to be in my class next year right? Don’t worry that there’s only three girls, no one really likes their class! Rachel and gang are just next door! I’ll visit them with you okay Peace out!

Xiang Wen

Yo! You’re really. damn. isolated. You’ve gotta mix around with us more often! I can tell that you’re quite a deep thinker, and your Physics is pro! I can tell you enjoy 403 though, when you laugh at our jokes and stuff. I think I don’t really know you all that well, but working with you for some projects and practicals is probably the closest I’ve known you. You’ve got quite an interesting character and I think it appeals to some people Oh right, chalet. Didn’t see you there but I heard you cycled with everyone! I hope you turn up for more 403 outings

Dylan:

GOD YOU ARE AWESOME

Bernard

Hi Councilor! Bernard you are so cool seriously! In your blazer You always never fail to liven up the whoseline games with your randomness, but yet you can be so serious! How the hel- anyway! I think your council speeches have all been awesome! And that the way you balance your funny side and your serious side is awesome. Thanks for being the mature one that we can turn to for difficulties, and for organizing so many class stuff for us! Haha you’re a really nice guy and I hope you win stuff. WIN. STUFF. Okay sorry that was really random. Singing Greatest Hits and having it recorded on video (Y)

Lynnette

Hi Lynnette! I think even though you have a condition, you never fail to try to make yourself heard! And always try to make it for class outings! You’re quite cool, and I like how you always offer a helping hand to people even without it being asked for. Duly appreciated! I like how you’ve tried to foster the class spirit with the FB group and keep us in contact but that’ll happen anyway! Thank your dad for fetching us around during the chalet times! Have a good 2010!

Qu Zhi

Basketballer! And Chinese pro! I hate your chinese it’s downright godly next to Junyan’s… D: Makes me feel inferior! Thanks for being this 403 gay buddy and for helping all of us with Chinese hw And for just being a cool guy to chill with! Stay with mingyan forever! And some day, SOME DAY you will have to admit it to us okay! We’re observant, we notice stuff! And we notice you and her! Have fun next year, and stop slacking! We all know you’re smart! (can tell from how you think of stupid excuses for miss cheng!) I think it was damn funny during your English Speech by the way (Y) Go China!

Rachel (I think you come after him right? I remember R YY between you and Aik Ann )

Seet Fangying! I remembered to post this without your reminder hah. Haha firstly thanks for making me do this, it was good Second, thanks for being fairly awesome! You’re like the whoseline fanatic as well! And you’re the person that sings the KBox songs with me because you know them too! Haha you’re super easy to talk to (as admits TERRY read: TERRY) and it makes you really easy to confide in haha. You know my secrets O: not always a good thing! Thanks for being such a nice person and for the MSN sessions at night! Nice to keep me awake at night! Don’t worry too much about your class okay, everything will turn out fine! If all else fails, I’m next door. If that fails too, there’s always another school. If all that fails too… oh well, I suppose you could turn to Islam. I’m going to buy you blue shoes for your next birthday, I already decided.

Ray

Hi Ray! Future room mate! I think NUSHS is awesome, it reunited us from P3 all the way till now? I think there’s something wrong with the sentence structure there… Anyway, thanks for being my constant ego booster (height yo) and for being my rival in English! It’s damn hilarious how we correct each other’s grammar and vocabulary.. It’s nuts, seriously. Well since we’re going to be roommates, it must mean we are on good terms! Thanks for always fetching me around and for being so accomodating regarding your house! And for being a good friend and a fellow Terry bullier. Next year will be fun with you! Remember, life’s priorities do not start with Maple!

Aik Ann

Seng! Freaking funny whenever Mr Wong calls you that. Fellow LFC Supporter and TERRY FANCLUB! And toilet mate for next year! I think it’s damn funny when we tease you about Rachel and you go red. Super red. Promise not to anymore! Just kidding, of course, who could resist. You can be really serious when it comes to work, but most of the time (my favourite times) you’re just as lame and random as me! Breaks are never the same without you Ray Kashing and Terry, and it’s damn cool that you think of equally retarded jokes! I should have lots of fun next year with you guys! Keep the toilet clean, yo.

TPL

Mr Nice Guy! (stole this from Rachel, hah) Man you are so nice that every girl chooses you when faced with ‘choose x or y’ questions how do you do it! “Choose, Jer Sheng or Terry!” “TPL PLZPLZPLZPLZ” Haha thanks for being so damn nice. I don’t know how a person can ever be so nice!!! Whether it’s homework, or just talking, you’re really one swell guy. And you aren’t even that much of a mugger as I once thought, you and Bryce are actually quite funloving! Just sleep earlier okay, no one likes a panda for a classmate!

Bryce

WOAHOAHOAHOAH. Your reactions never fail to give me and Ka-Shing a laugh… Hilarious. I always thought that you were some super studystudy kind of person, and then I realized you can be super fun as well! Even though sometimes your jokes have to be super complicated and science related and generally dumbfounding, I’ve found them to be funny as well. Whenever you slap Terry for no reason I can’t help but applaud. Keep up your work-life balance, but remember, what counts is life! So keep the life part healthy! Play more computer games! I remember the first time I saw you playing an RTS during free period I was like, BRYCE! WTF? (Y)

Stuart

God Stuart, words cannot describe how WTF you can be. You should know right, when you tell me the most obscene things and all I can do is facepalm? Speechless I may be, it is a sad thing to be without that sense of WTFness in 2010. You can be quite a deep thinker, but at the same time, you can be really damn random as well! Even though your randomness tends to be perverted, I know deep in you, there is a part that doesn’t want to be so sick! …who am I kidding. I think your hobbies are damn cool though, music, movies, cars, what else can a man need! Maybe some height?

Jing Min

TEOJM37! You are. Damn. Awesome. No one can wash dirt twice and live to tell the tale, seriously. I think I really grew warmer to you this year, when we realized how damn random you can be. Keep it up, it never fails to stifle a laugh from me! I figure you’re pretty busy this holidays, but I’m glad you can make it on Saturday! Remember that an iPhone doesn’t mean you can spam horns! Also, we’re gonna be toilet mates next year so make sure you keep yourself just as awesome as I like it! The Man is awesome! Try to be more outspoken in class okay!

Jun Yan

I don’t really know you very well but I know one thing! Chinese. God. How do you speak like that without dying! D: I know Ernest dies each time he hears you speak Chinese. You should be less quiet in class, and show us more of your personality! You’re one sporty girl too, and I think that’s really cool as well. I hope you’ll enjoy yourself next year! You’re in the sex-imbalanced class right? Have fun!

Wei Jin

Wei Jin you are damn unique man. Sometimes you can be like meh towards stuff (like Terry ) but sometimes you can just be really passionate! I love the passionate side of you, keep it forever and always. I think you’re a really kind person, and you’re always thinking of other people before yourself. I like that! Also, wtf you run too fast. Go away. Walk away, don’t run. I think you can be quite random sometimes and sometimes I just don’t understand your jokes but I never fail to laugh! Have fun next year, I’m right next door to you!

Gerlynn

Haha Gerlynn you are the blur queen of year 4! Shiny. Haha you can be really fun and organizing class stuff and generally being the most enthusiastic person around, but you can also be damn blur D: Be more observant and take chicken essence Anyway, Thanks for being the main instigator for most of our class stuff like teacher’s day cards and outings and stuff! And for being such a crazed photographer.. My facebook photos jumped like nuts over the two years because of you! Ivan is cool. But I think Gerlynn is cooler!

TERRY

HOW COULD I FORGET ABOUT YOU? Terry you are possibly the most interesting person I’ve met these two years. And you take the cake for being the most retarded person in 403 as well. You are damn funny but also super crazy! And it’s not just what you say. It’s all the mannerisms that make me go WTF. How on earth do you think of your bullshit and still take it, I don’t know. We may not be roommates or classmates next year but still meet up with us okay! I’m going to need my daily dose of Terry’s bullshit to survive year 5! You may be super ego, but in the end, you are still a great friend and I appreciate that. Your pasta joke is the best joke I’ve heard in years. Honestly! Viva la Terry!

403 <3

 

The top right hand corner of my browswer now says: Search WordPress.com Blogs

Hi readers.

If I were to make that sentence proper that would be:

Hi no one.

I think I spend too much time per post moaning about how little readers I get. What’s there to complain about anyway? I don’t really care what I write nor does anyone else. It’s fitting, actually, that I get so little readers for the effort I put in per post. Okay. So what can I cover today.

First thing’s first. My ‘C’ key on my keyboard is really not sensitive. Need to fix it.

*the above was written yesterday*

Well. That’s dumb. My C key made me delay my post completely. I jiggled it a little, tried to clean the bottom, and poof, it popped out. And when a laptop key pops out and you have no idea wtf to do at 1 am in the morning, it’s stressful. Very. Well I finally figured it out, so the C is back! Sadly, a little black part of the key popped off and now my C key’s a little loose. But it’s better than not being there, I suppose.

Okay. Now what.

Heck I’ll just post it as it is.

Oh wait, forgot to talk about class allocation.

Rant: I hate the class allocation seriously. I think that sorting by combinations is really, stupidity of the highest order. Now you have classes with 22 guys and 3 girls, and classes with 16 girls. And my class- my class is just weird.

I mean I’m not the kind of person who complains because the people are bad. Fine, I did, but I live with it. I learn to adapt. The problem’s not having friends/seeing familiar faces. The problem is the major combination. I chose not to do any honours because of my interests not lying with math and science. The problem is I’m scared my class has people who are (brutally honest here) simply not academically as strong as me. I am fine with that, but when the whole class may be this way, it’s potentially scary. I don’t want to be in a class which can influence me or where there’s too many slackers. It simply boils down to the damn allocation.

Reading the paragraph again I think I sound like some egoistic idiot but it’s true. Let me start my two years with 501 by saying this: I do not think I will enjoy this class as much as any of my previous classes. Reasons above. I’m sure that some people think the same way.

God we need more 403 outings.

 

Assumptions

I’m going to assume there are readers for this post. Else, it’s just going to rot in my wordpress for nobody to give a shit about.

Second, I’m going to assume that the aforementioned readers happen to understand English. This is a really big assumption. Out of the maybe 4 blogviews I get a day, I predict 3 out of 4 are foreigners. Anyway since I haven’t updated in forever I doubt any of my regular (none) readers even come by here anymore.

Third, I’ll assume the aforementioned English-literate readers can notice that I’ve drafted every single of my previous posts and none of them should be visible anymore. (let me check) Yeah they aren’t visible.

Fourth I’ll assume that the aforementioned observant English speaking readers know that there were previous posts to begin with, else, they wouldn’t be noticing jackshit nor would my third assumption be valid.

Fifth and lastly, I’ll assume the readers (blah blah blah) would probably want to know why all my posts have suddenly be drafted.

Too bad, not telling you anything. Bye.